[AUDIO AND TEXT]
Note: this is the second Holy Week retreat talk given by The Rev. Alice Cabotaje Roshi.
Reading: Although It is Night
For I know well the spring that flows and runs,
although it is night,
that eternal, hidden spring;
I know well where it has its rise.
I do not know its origin, for it hasn’t one.
But I know every origin
has come from it.
I know that nothing else is so beautiful,
and that the heavens and the earth drink there.
I know well that it is bottomless
and that no one is able to cross it.
Its clarity is never darkened,
and I know that every light has come from it.
I know that its streams are so brimming
they water the lands of hell, the heavens, and earth.
I know well the stream that flows from this spring.
It is mighty in compass and power.
I know that the stream proceeding from these two
is preceded by neither of them.
This eternal spring is hidden.
It is here to call creatures:
and they are filled with this water,
although in darkness, because it is night.
– John of the Cross (1542-1591) –
Good morning! I hope you had a good night’s rest and that you are in a mindful state of ONLY this… ONLY to whatever flows across our field of attention, whether that be a thought, a feeling, a perception… not picking and choosing what arises to awareness, and not hanging on to what falls away… not being disturbed by the content of attention… not being obsessed with it…and not being compulsive about being attentive.
In the Christian tradition, today is Good Friday. It commemorates the trial of Jesus before Pontius Pilate, his sentence of death, his torture, and his crucifixion and burial.
In the fourth century many pilgrims traveled to Jerusalem and sought to retrace the final steps of Jesus. The Via Dolorosa, meaning the “Way of Suffering” or “The Way of Grief” in Latin, is the path within Jerusalem’s Old City, traditionally believed to be the route that Jesus took from the place of his trial (the Praetorium) to the site of his crucifixion (the Golgotha). Later when many could not make the trip to Jerusalem, a practice that is now called the “Stations of the Cross” was developed.
For this talk, I would like to invite us to walk together through the 14 Stations of the Cross, and reflect on how in our very lives, we go through our own stations of suffering. Paradoxically, even when we realize and experience that Divine Love is our true and essential nature, we are not shielded from distress, from afflictions, from sorrows, from agony.
Jesus himself, in whom we see the fullness of divinity in human form, experienced anguish, anger, humiliation, betrayal, loneliness, abandonment. The Divine in him did not protect him from undergoing encompassing, devastating suffering. Neither will the Divine in us protect us from experiencing crippling suffering…because suffering is a basic fact of life…a fundamental fact of living.
The first station of the cross:
I. Jesus Is Condemned to Death
Betrayed. Deserted. Alone. Jesus stands before an unjust judge.
Dry palm branches crackle under the feet of the crowd. Soldiers rain down punches and crown him with thorns.
I imagine that you know what that’s like… being betrayed…being deserted…being alone…being judged.
…a lover broke up with you… a partner, a spouse cheated on you…someone in authority abused you physically, emotionally, psychologically…a parent died…someone you trusted swindled you…a group rejected you because you were different…
…you called out to God for help and all you got was silence.
Let us take a moment with those experiences and feel them. (Pause).
The second station of the cross:
II. Jesus Takes up His Cross
Splinters. Heavy, rough wood. The scent of the hill country. A single beam laid across the back of a carpenter. The crowd mocks. The procession to the place of the skull begins.
What cross do you bear right now?
An illness…watching a loved one die…being responsible for the livelihood of employees…for the wellbeing of students, of patients…a financial debt…loss of income…expectations of others…self-rejection…shame…growing old…losing control…
Let us take a moment with those experiences and feel them. (Pause).
The third station of the cross:
III. Jesus Falls the First Time
Stumble. Waver. Collapse. Jesus’ sweat mingles with dust as he falls to the ground. Barely able to stand. He cannot carry the cross without falling.
Have there been days, weeks, months when the challenges have just been relentless that we can’t take it anymore…we want to give up… we feel weak…we feel stretched… we feel spent…we can hardly move…
Let us take a moment with those experiences and feel them. (Pause).
The fourth station of the cross:
IV. Jesus Meets His Afflicted Mother
Mother and child. Mary sees her battered son through a veil of tears.
A beloved one – whether a parent, a child, a spouse, a lover, a friend, a teacher, a therapist – truly sees our losses and accompanies us in our grief…
Let us take a moment with those experiences and feel them. (Pause).
The fifth station of the cross:
V. The Cross Is Laid on Simon of Cyrene
A stranger…a neighbor…a friend. Someone takes up our cross. And as they do so, they also take up their own.
Let us take a moment with those experiences and feel them. (Pause).
The sixth station of the cross:
VI. A Woman Wipes the Face of Jesus
Cloth. Sweat. Blood.
We meet a stranger, a neighbor, a friend in need and we offer a hand…offer an ear…offer encouragement…provide tangible support…We help relieve their suffering.
Let us take a moment with those experiences and feel them. (Pause).
The seventh station of the cross:
VII. Jesus Falls a Second Time
Oppressed. Afflicted. Silently suffering. Simon carries the cross, yet Jesus cannot continue.
We face another loss, and we reel…We encounter another form of discrimination…We develop another illness on top of what we already have…We further slow down because of age… We notice a decline in our physical and mental abilities…We are discouraged…We can’t go on…It is too hard…too painful…
Let us take a moment with those experiences and feel them. (Pause).
The eighth station of the cross:
VIII. Jesus Meets the Women of Jerusalem
Tears. Wailing. Daughters. Mothers. Grief.
Strangers, friends, family, community weep with us. We are not alone. We are held. We are blessed with companions.
Let us take a moment with those experiences and feel them. (Pause).
The ninth station of the cross:
IX. Jesus Falls a Third Time
Brutalized. Dazed. Beyond strength. Now nearly on Calvary’s broad summit, Jesus collapses. Poles long set into the ground are silhouetted against a gray sky.
Impatiently, Jesus is pulled up and shoved angrily toward his death.
We fall again…we are at our weakest. And we know, that when we are at our weakest — physically, emotionally, psychologically… when we are at our lowest point… it often is a time when we are prone to succumb to temptations, to distractions… it is often a time we are desperate to escape from our pain, from our sense of low self-worth, from our failures, our doubts, our shortcomings.
The tenth station of the cross:
X. Jesus Is Stripped of His Garments
Stripped bare.
We come face to face with our edges, our fears, the threat of nothingness, as well as the attraction of comfort, power, fame, riches, name, reputation.
What are we invited to release?
A fear, a habit, a piece of clothing, a memory, a person, a relationship, a point-of-view, an attitude, an expectation, a disappointment, a notion, an assumption, a judgment, a frustration, an anxiety, a dilemma, an uncertainty, a trauma?
The eleventh station of the cross:
XI. Jesus Is Nailed to the Cross
Cold steel. Warm flesh. Nails rip through tendon and muscle. Blood soaks into splintered wood. The wounds Jesus has endured are physical as well as emotional and spiritual. Jesus responds: “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”
What is forgiveness? It is for giving to ourselves and to others the opportunity to heal and appreciate life more. It does not mean forgetting, denial, condoning or tolerating a bad behavior. It is being able to uncover our anger and resentment and releasing them so we can move forward with transformed action.
What relationship in our lives cries out for healing? Is it with a parent, a sibling, a friend, a lover, an ex, a boss, a co-worker, a community? Is it with God, with ourselves? Are we open to take ownership of our part in the broken relationship, have true remorse, make amends, and forgive ourselves…not once, not twice, not thrice but over and over again.
What if the other party is unwilling to engage? Author Geraldine Smyth, O.P. said that where such relationship is not possible because one party refuses…perhaps all we can do is ask God to forgive our offenders, which Jesus did as he hung on the cross. Deprived of the possibility of coming face to face with his persecutors, Jesus brought them under the gaze of God and asked God to forgive them.
The twelfth station of the cross:
XII. Jesus Dies on the cross
Despised. Rejected. Jesus cried: “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” And breathed his last.
This is where we have been most desolate…where we have felt most alone… where we faced our deepest desires and ache…and where is no hiding place and no way out.
The thirteenth station of the cross:
XIII. The Body of Jesus Is Placed in the Arms of his Mother
Mourning mother. Broken child.
As we lay broken, we are cradled by those who love and care for us. We are comforted…we are embraced.
The fourteenth station of the cross:
XIV. Jesus Is Laid in the Tomb
Cold stone. A shroud. Darkness. Sabbath rest at last. The disciples gather in fear. A grain of wheat waits for spring.
Are we willing to die to our selves and all of its seductions and distractions? Are we willing to become less subject to the outside pressures of being approved, being praised, being recognized, having status, power, money, and knowledge?
Only in our dying to self can we live without apologies…can we live with confidence…with trust and surrender to what unfolds before us without commentary…without drama…without the constant self-conscious evaluation…without repeated wondering whether we are right or wrong, good or bad…without the anticipation of whether we will be accepted or rejected, loved or ignored.
ONLY dying.
Gassho.
EMPTY CLOUD ZEN 